what else is there?

i got hit. i dont know why or how it happened. oh i so wish i had a smoke right now. so i got really hit, some cousin of cupid must've seen me and thought "i'd just throw a sorrow and nostalgia dart at this one, just for laughs" and he did, he did, the bastard!

"if you cannot bring good news than dont bring any."

so i mellowed down, tried to figure myself out, doesnt that happen too much lately, well i'd say, it does! and i started watching movies i made over the years, movies that, in the making, took me away from other important things, movies that no one thought were relevant (and by movies i mean some shots, maybe some pictures, a song or two all piled up, mixed and matched in movie maker and i had to make that clarification just so people don't get expectations too high). and these dumb movies, capturing random moments, people, feelings of my life made me the sentimental equivalent of putty. but happy putty. lets just putty it like that. :D

"i once held her in my arms, she said she would always stay"

and i realised i make movies for closure. i do. that should throw me right on the weirdo shelf, whatever that means, whoever else is there, in spite of me potentially already being there. and just so weirdo comes with some extra on top, i cried, out of happy sad nostalgia, from only one eye. only from one. like the other one was stubborn, wanted to keep appearances, wanted to prove that we're not all that sentimental.

but i'm also here, so here i am, all high on life, who to share it with, well of course, with my later selves, all the letzus coming back to this blog searching for memories, trying to figure out when did it start going wrong.;)
a bit of self-irony and negativity is a luxury i can have when i feel as self sufficient as i do right now, and its a scary feeling but nonetheless a feeling of extreme power and independence. it'll go away soon to give way to life in the shelf.