Thursday, December 31, 2009

last decade in numbers (the roaring 2000s)

this decade that's ending started at a NYE party of a highschool colleague. it was 9th grade, i was wearing short hair and baggy clothes. obviously i cared so little because i hadnt been in love yet. throughout the night i had my pants tear right where you dont want them to (the other snowball effect), i fell in love with calvin and hobbes and i had my best friend pass out from a cigar. we were 15. it was scary. and it was a crappy night saved only by the glory of calvin and hobbes.

some years of blind spotted happiness
followed. skipping school, reading a lot out of own will, going on real life changing adventures, falling in love every other month, writing rhyme-less poems, making awful songs, thinking i will actually record them one day. oh, and the internet. which brought more love. virtual, that is. writing virtual love letters, getting virtually melancholic, falling virtually in love and imagining a virtual beautiful future. basically, like sims without being able to build a wall around them just to see what happens (and what happens is that they die. yes, i did it).

then it got ugly.
my dad didnt just die, he took a whole part of me, maybe 3/4 of my heart and an arm. i always tried writing about it, but could never really come clean.

a whole new era
started with university. alone. absolutely alone. all my friends in distant cities. sharing MY room. MY things. MY privacy! days when i felt like a superhero for achieving so much came fairly quick after days and days of being nauseatingly lazy. the time of absolute aristotelic learning. there was AIESEC, there was FITS, there was the university newspaper, there were so so many things. unrelated (perhaps), before i knew it, scepticism began to cuddle up in my brain. maybe it wasnt that, maybe it was some foolish feeling of invincibility. i had it. some of it is gone.

i must've liked all the fuss
though, cause i carried on. i stepped up. came in front. talked. in front. like i knew what i was saying. soon, i began to actually know what i'm saying. moved to denmark. found that joke so befitting (lovely country, but then they gave them danes). met wonderful people, though. wonderful. really. changed. a lot. or the most. maybe because of some sort of maturity, but a pleasant, non-disruptive form for my ongoing immaturity.

on the other front
i fell in love and i dont know how high up i was before this fall, but coming back to reality implied some more falling, which really hurt. it hurt so bad, for the first time, in an unknown way, a very i want you but i dont want you kind of way, in a near death experience kind of way. and now it seems ridiculous. but then, it hurt. and more love came and went, in different forms. and i knew love will accompany me through life, no matter what. this must've been before the scepticism.

and that's the short short story.
below is the short short short short short story.

greatest discoveries of the decade:
love
sex
friends indeed (i mean "in deed")
alcohol
the feeling of invincibility
omg the internet!
worst discoveries of the decade:
death
betrayal
ego x ego
alcohol? ;)
the feeling of invincibility

why am i telling you all this? because you weren't alone. we spent the last decade together. laughed together, cried together, did stupid things that didnt make us better people together, learned from some together. you just didnt know about it. and now you do.

p.s. happy new decade to you.

4 comments:

Masi said...

You're a hero to me.

prestidigitator said...

I think you're biased cause we've been friends for a decade. :)

Masi said...

I've lucky for the past 10 years, yes. :)

Gabriela said...

A decade of self discovery and of what matters most.. aaaaah so true for me too. It's been rollercoastingly a decade of change in (my) self. I should also write about my decade.. in my style.
Thanks Letzu, for sharing.