holy cow!

there's two things that scared the wits out of me in india. i had one more in nepal, when all the elephants went mad, but that in another episode.

the first one was one day after the bomb warnings issued in delhi, when we carelessly wandered around old delhi, the muslim quarters, in search for food, different and great food. one of my friends said, with a serious look on his face, "i have a really strange feeling about today" and then we saw the newspaper headlines speaking about potential terrorist attacks in delhi and fear clawed me like a cat when you try to put it in water. we were fine, eventually, and the food was awesome, but for a few hours i had the feeling this was it. and my last meal is a darn tasty chicken biryani.

the second one happened in chroma, one of tata's milking cows, milking lots of money out of helpless rich people, that is. chroma is an electronics shop. from overpriced cameras to overpriced hair straighteners, they have everything. i went there today, to kill some time before i could see shrek 4 again. they have a/c and you can "test" the wii or play with the cameras (and you can easily fake the "interested to buy" look by nodding a lot while making "mmm" sounds and wearing a nice scarf).

and the shocker came as i was innocently passing by a demonstrative speaker set. they were on. connected to a computer. and the music sounded bad. really bad. but like the sound of a mermaid, something drew me to it. so i, the lost sailor, had to stop and figure out what was this thing biting at my brain. you'll never guess this one. IT WAS A ROMANIAN SONG. in romanian!! and not a song song, but a manea. and not the fanfara ciocarlia kind of manea, but the really stinky, putrid one. the kind that turns you into stone and makes your neurons fall off like withered leaves, if you listen to the lyrics. a manea in a high class (sort of) indian store. the ridiculousness and unlikeliness of it is... well... indescribable.

are they gonna take over the world?!
let's all sacrifice a michael bolton or brian adams mp3 to the gods so they have mercy on us.

discuție imaginară petrecută în capul meu, aflat în india, la peste 40 de grade

ei: murim de cald!
eu: muriți, bă.

(zice-se că s-a făcut cald în românia, dar mie îmi vine a râde)

i was born yesterday

you know what's the one thing i've thought of the most during my entire life but know the least about? guess. please. take a wild guess. a domestic guess, even.

it's love. i knew you wouldn't even try to guess. but you could've guessed, since i'm sure it's the thing you thought about the most, too. even if you're a guy. or a circus midget.

and one of the things that bothers me the most is that i noticed not even experience helps me in the learning process. love is like that huge magnet we should use on our A/C meter, it screws with everything, reseting it or just making it go haywire. but unlike the blessed magnet, it does not give you access to fresh, cool air, for free. it takes it away from you.

i'm done with the metaphors. i just want to say that when it comes to love, i was born yesterday. and so were you.

will we ever admit we know nothing about it? that it comes and goes as it pleases, that it makes fools of us, that even when we think we couldn't be more in love we still have days, hours, seconds of disbelief and doubt, that we may see love where there isn't any and fail to see it where it is, that it controls us and yet is still, for most of us, a sense of purpose and freedom?

look, i might have been born yesterday, but i stayed up all night.

so, as i see it, there's only one way to go about it. admit you know nothing and just get in for the ride.

“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” 

-t.s. eliot

am dat inapoi, inainte.

m-au ajuns din nou insomniile incorect categorisite drept insomnii. mai degraba niste amanari prostesti ale somnului, garnisite cu documentare si heroes III. sau poate am dat inapoi si m-am sincronizat deja pe ora romaniei. in avans. am dat inapoi, inainte, cum s-ar spune.

si-mi place cateodata sa adorm greu, am mult timp sa ma gandesc. am scris cele mai grozave prime pagini de romane in orele astea. mi-au venit cele mai strasnice idei. dar degeaba, cum s-ar spune. pentru ca niciodata nu m-am indoit de abilitatea mea de a tine minte toate aceste lucruri fabuloase pana a doua zi cand le-as putea scrie. evident ca nu (pot sa) o fac pentru ca dimineata descopar ca sunt incuiate intr-un sertar la care parola secreta e o formula matematica. (si, ca sa stiti, la sertarul cu formule matematice sta de paza un ceainic turcesc de care mi-e frica).

astazi, inainte sa adorm, o sa incerc sa ma conving sa scap de dorul de casa in favoarea degustarii de clipe. e un proces dur. deci noapte buna, cum s-ar spune.

nervous breakdown #29

sometimes india gets to you. it gets to you and you take it with a smile if it's just a rickshaw-walla trying to get some extra rupees from you or with a dumb sad look if it's a couple of 7-8 year olds begging at the stoplight, really high on something, trying to sit on their heads, falling flat on the rough pavement then laughing at you like they can't feel pain and they're having the time of their life. you see those things so often that you start forgetting them easier. but you don't. they build up.

then everyone who has or has not been to india talks and writes about poverty, dirt, dust, garbage, sickness, pollution, child labour, child trafficking, beggars, extreme poverty etc but even that doesn't get to you. it can't get to you till you see it happening under your own eyes. and even then, you can take it. you'd say, in your little western head, "that's india - chaos making sense." and then, like a silly optimistic foreigner, comfort yourself at the thought "they're actually happy living like that."

and this leads you to believe "i'm tough. i've gotten used to all this. i can even eat all their mirchi food. i am strong. india did not defeat me. bla bla bla." and you feel good. for a short while. because you dont really believe that. western society has taught you something you're not ready to let go of so easily.

so then there comes the fall. one day when nothing works out and all those past memories of india that you thought you got over come and slap you over the back of your head. just one crappy day, when you feel like crap, when you think fuck all this, how can they live like this, when crap comes your way from all sides, nothing really makes sense at all in this country, there's crap coming out of the faucets, nothing is proper, there's cold crap in the fridge and all this "india - chaos making sense" seems like the biggest bowl of crap.

and no, it could not happen everywhere. you have to be here to understand the kind of thing i'm talking about. it's an intense short term depression, a heartbreak that only india can give you. unless you're a heartless bastard. in which case, you're lucky.

and after every fall i think: india you broke my heart for the last time. and i'm a tougher cookie now.
but it never is the last time.
and i still find, somewhere in my sick heart, a strange liking for this place that torments me so much.

25 year old beer.

happy birthday to the oldest beer i know. and one of my bestest friends. :)

help me

întoarce-te în somn

ce mi-ar plăcea acum grozav e să citesc o poveste cuiva. unui copil. mic sau mare, nu contează. și luna se uită la mine chiorâș printre nori și-mi dau seama că ar trebui să dorm, dar sunt certată cu niște pitici care locuiesc în puful din perna mea și mă chinuie noaptea.