last decade in numbers (the roaring 2000s)

this decade that's ending started at a NYE party of a highschool colleague. it was 9th grade, i was wearing short hair and baggy clothes. obviously i cared so little because i hadnt been in love yet. throughout the night i had my pants tear right where you dont want them to (the other snowball effect), i fell in love with calvin and hobbes and i had my best friend pass out from a cigar. we were 15. it was scary. and it was a crappy night saved only by the glory of calvin and hobbes.

some years of blind spotted happiness

followed. skipping school, reading a lot out of own will, going on real life changing adventures, falling in love every other month, writing rhyme-less poems, making awful songs, thinking i will actually record them one day. oh, and the internet. which brought more love. virtual, that is. writing virtual love letters, getting virtually melancholic, falling virtually in love and imagining a virtual beautiful future. basically, like sims without being able to build a wall around them just to see what happens (and what happens is that they die. yes, i did it).

then it got ugly.

my dad didnt just die, he took a whole part of me, maybe 3/4 of my heart and an arm. i always tried writing about it, but could never really come clean.

a whole new era

started with university. alone. absolutely alone. all my friends in distant cities. sharing MY room. MY things. MY privacy! days when i felt like a superhero for achieving so much came fairly quick after days and days of being nauseatingly lazy. the time of absolute aristotelic learning. there was AIESEC, there was FITS, there was the university newspaper, there were so so many things. unrelated (perhaps), before i knew it, scepticism began to cuddle up in my brain. maybe it wasnt that, maybe it was some foolish feeling of invincibility. i had it. some of it is gone.

i must've liked all the fuss

though, cause i carried on. i stepped up. came in front. talked. in front. like i knew what i was saying. soon, i began to actually know what i'm saying. moved to denmark. found that joke so befitting (lovely country, but then they gave them danes). met wonderful people, though. wonderful. really. changed. a lot. or the most. maybe because of some sort of maturity, but a pleasant, non-disruptive form for my ongoing immaturity.

on the other front

i fell in love and i dont know how high up i was before this fall, but coming back to reality implied some more falling, which really hurt. it hurt so bad, for the first time, in an unknown way, a very i want you but i dont want you kind of way, in a near death experience kind of way. and now it seems ridiculous. but then, it hurt. and more love came and went, in different forms. and i knew love will accompany me through life, no matter what. this must've been before the scepticism.

and that's the short short story.

below is the short short short short short story.

greatest discoveries of the decade:

love

sex

friends indeed (i mean "in deed")

alcohol

the feeling of invincibility

omg the internet!

worst discoveries of the decade:

death

betrayal

ego x ego

alcohol? ;)

the feeling of invincibility

why am i telling you all this? because you weren't alone. we spent the last decade together. laughed together, cried together, did stupid things that didnt make us better people together, learned from some together. you just didnt know about it. and now you do.

p.s. happy new decade to you.

un elefant se legăna pe o pânză de păianjen

totul a început pentru că am deschis unul din pachetele de beţigaşe parfumate pe care le-am adus din indii.

absolut nimic special. e vorba de un banal pachet de beţigaşe, luat la întamplare, nici măcar ales de mine, pus între mirodenii de omul cu turban de la magazin.

şi exact, dar exact, adică exact-exact acelaşi tip de beţigaşe îl aveam în liceu, când îmi plăcea mult de tot de un băiat. plăcut e un fel de eufemism pentru aş fi mers până la capătul lumii pentru el care e un alt fel de eufemism pentru probabil îl cam iubeam.

printre multe alte chestii pe care le cred fără să am dovezi, cred că ne îndrăgostim mult mai des decât ne des-îndrăgostim. ar trebui să fie un raport aproape egal, de preferat +1 pentru îndrăgostiri. dar nu e aşa. eu port, într-un sac-au-coeur, multe dintre îndrăgostelile survenite de-a lungul timpului.

şi mirosul ăsta de atunci în camera mea de acum îmi dă palme. palme reci. şi ude. ca înainte de teză.

mirosul e mai tare ca albumele cu poze, oracolele, un cântec sau orice cântec, e mai tare decât crăciunul, mai răscolitor decât o atingere de mână şi mai puternic decât popeye. mă înclin lui. şi, împotriva firii, am să mai aprind un beţigaş.

Merry You and Merry Me!

Yes, the giraphant lives on.

stay shark

i said i didn't know, but it was rushdie. i added "but" to seem like i knew even back then, but the truth is i didnt, so don't be fooled. i just found out, like you probably did right now.

stay shark, cause they're sharper than sharp.

probleme de respirație

vorbeam cu una dintre cele mai dragi prietene după mult timp şi, fireşte, am ajuns la capitolul băieţi mai repede decât ajung la miezul gumei center shock.

mă pregătisem s-o consolez, dar mi-a zis că nu e chiar cazul, că nu e suparată. a adăugat, pentru şocul centrului meu: "eu m-am despărţit de el, dar el nu s-a despărţit de mine."

băieţii sunt mai persistenţi decât halena.

become a poet (bot), now!

all in pretty

All in pretty went my cloud walking
on a derelict joy of simple
into the clear smile.

strange bold dare cried savage and glowing
the intelligent street before.

little be they than blue belly
the sloppy exhausting street
the exhausting intelligent street.

strange exhausting courage at a shy love
the extatic shot before.

block at ship went my cloud walking
walking the mood down
into the clear smile.

strange bold dare cried savage and glowing
the scrumptuos clay before.

sarcastic be they than joyful exhausting story
the bold shy street
the aloof savage n street.

strange aloof belief at a simple elevator
the clean tomato before.

spot at light went my cloud walking
walking the squash down
into the clear smile.

strange bold dare cried savage and glowing
the clean sprinkle before.

insightful be they than generous cigarette
the stupid crazy street
the malicious stupendous street.

strange malicious bottle at the pretty squash
the stupendous spring before.

All in pretty went my cloud walking
on a derelict joy of simple
into the clear smile.

strange bold dare cried savage and glowing
my coffee blind spot before.

- letzu & e.e. cummings

make friends with the poet bot, NOW! ;)

instict matern secundar

am o nouă letzuremă: dacă nu eşti atrasă de băieţi mai tineri, ba dimpotrivă, e din cauză că n-ai instinct matern. ceea ce e și rău, și bine, ca toate mizilicurile din lume. :)

perception curry

disclaimer: however tempted you are to consider this a prejudiced post, it's merely a few observation of a simpleton, so refrain. :>

only and itself

indians use the words "only" and "itself" like i never heard before. to the question "where do you live?" indians will probably reply "in delhi only" or "in delhi itself". leaves you thinking you didnt hear well, but then, after you hear it over and over again, you realize it's just indian english.

"i put it there only". makes sense? it will if you discard the "only".

this is a printscreen of an indian website. see the abuse of only? i find it painfully beautiful. :)

v and w

i dont mean volkswagen. i mean the letters "v" and "w", which you'd always pronounce in a soft way for "w" and a sharper way for "v". unless you're german, in which case you probably don't have a sense of humor and you pronounce "w" like "v" and "v" like "f". indians are not so complicated, they just switch "v" and "w" completely. it seems innocent, but it gets confusing. eg: in this strange indian english, "vile" is pronounced like "while".

it doesn't really bother me. wait, it does.

phone conversations

indians don't talk on the phone, they talk to the phone. they answer it by keeping it near to their ear, but then, when they have something to say, they move it in front and talk to the screen. yes, they are overly polite. ;)

the paradox of socks

socks

in winter it gets cold, even in india, so women wear their sandals/flip flops with socks. why get covered shoes? better buy skin color split socks (not like socks with toes, but similar, as they have this split like the teenage ninja mutant turtles between big toe and rest of toes).

it looks darn funny, too. maybe it's the way they keep each other amused.

no socks

most indians i've met don't just take off their shoes when the situation asks for it. they take off everything. and by everything i mean their socks. they go bare on the foot. sometimes i wish they didnt.

boys and desktop backgrounds

my mom told me once that for buses and boys you should never wait. there will always be another one. actually, i'm not sure if my mom told me that or someone told me their mom told them that. or even saw it in a movie. really, i'm not sure at all.

but in this saying, buses and boys make sense together.

and boys and desktop backgrounds also makes sense together. but there is no saying for it. yet.

here's the thing: sometimes i choose this amazing picture and i say to myself "wow, i'm gonna keep this forever and ever!". and forever might be a bit over a month. sometimes more. it happened already with so many backgrounds that i feel i have a commitment issue.

but also, on the other hand, keeping the default windows background is very, very questionable.

and doesnt it happen like that with boys? duration is different, but you still think it'll last forever, that this one time you found the perfect one. and then windows pulls some weird stunt on you or you get bored - depending on who you want to put the blame on.

mixed tape

i had a dream. it wasnt pollitically correct, nor was it politically incorrect. it wasn't political at all. there was this girl in my dream, can't recall who but i am positive it's someone i know, and she gave me a mixtape.

i mumbled in front of the artefact, plus, it was slightly bigger than a normal cassette, which made me question it more than the gesture. it was my first mixtape. i liked the idea so much, too bad my dreams don't follow through. or lack audio. cause i never heard it.

i wish people still gave each other mixtapes. or just to me.

I'm dreaming of a CMYK Christmas

I think Christmas spirit (with all it's good and bad) is coded into my brain. or my heart. or some organ, at least. how else could I feel it's coming in this cold, dusty, grey, crowded, mostly hindu and muslim city?

(picture from Awkward Family Photos)

and speaking of which, did you hear bob dylan's latest christmas song? if no, please avoid doing so. he must be undergoing some unusual rebellion.

and speaking of which, no more absolutes. practice spits in theory's eye.