little mission statement.

dixit.

yesterday

also known as the day I drank 4 (four!) liters of water and still got dehydrated in style, complete with massive headache, blurred vision and dizziness. thanks, weather.

in india. only.

as if 40 degrees in march wasn't enough, this is what traffic looks like in New Delhi.

p.s. i know you might find crazy traffic like this in other places as well, but the title is more of an indian metaphor. mkay.

enjoy yourself

as a practicing hedonist, this is my message to you. well, woody allen's message, but i've adhered to it even before i knew it.

apparition!

last night, over a small rendez-vous with friends, i dropped my mug. actually, in my absolute clumsiness, i turned around and the mug previously resting on the arms of my chair fell flat face on the floor.
this morning, this is what was showing. it was a broad daylight apparition trying to tell me something.

and the weird thing is it kinda looks like a black and white danish flag. and there's a little person in the middle. i am leaving right now to look for an interpreter.

i feel

no more like a fish on a bicycle. more like a panda on a rocking horse.

that's not happiness, it's a sister of euphoria.

yoga day one - how to lick your elbow

i woke up. i did. 6 am. well, the correct way is i was woken up.

6.35-6.40 am. we arrived at the yoga center. big room. few people. all ages. all sizes.

a little move your wrist here, a little move your arm there, some aware breathing, some rolling. what madam in green could do, madam in blue couldn't do. what madam in blue could do, madam in green couldn't do. these madams were some sort of yin and yang. or a kind of yoga arch enemies meant to amuse me to keep focus.

then we moved on to breathing through one nostril at a time. it is always important to exercise your nostrils. we ended it with laughing. it was part of the exercise. we even took our tongues out and did the indian version of wazzaaaa?!", well, ok, maybe we didn't, but it seemed that way. then they chanted, om shanti something, but everyone had their fingers in their ears. what that mean i do not know.

(KK & Letzu in the near future)

there was no standing on the head or licking your elbow.

i liked it that way.

will i wake up again to go? patience, young padawan.

this is first-class.

this might be the essence of what you and i are looking for. the answer to your (and my) eternal quest for meaning. there's a simple philosophy packed underneath all these folds. i read the instructions it came with and they say just find a thing you're incredible at and do it. they didn't forget to mention you also have to enjoy it. it's self-explanatory. 

yes. it's a new thing. professional hedonism. it almost doesn't make sense. it's new. 

take it personally.

amice, ești cel mai mare idiot

știam de mult că-s multe soiuri de oameni pe planeta Pământ, dar am fost mereu, printr-un procedeu ciudat, ferită de întâlniri cu jigodii absolute. am avut partea mea de întâlniri extraterestre cu nemernici, oameni fără scrupule sau oameni mai puțin buni. dar acest idiot este, de departe, cel mai sinistru specimen.

ce fel de om calcă intenționat un câine cu mașina? așa cu viraj extrem fix în el, animal naiv care stătea cuminte pe marginea drumului, nu că accident, nu că mi-a sărit în față, tataie, gluma a luat sfârșit, asta chiar se întamplă, fix sub mașină, tăvălit bine acolo, pentru mulțumirea de sine într-o plictisitoare seară de sâmbătă. n-am să vă descriu ce am simțit că nu am cum.
și el, ăsta, nici nu știu cum să-l numesc, scursură, mizerie, nu știu, este propretarul apartamentului în care stau. este propretar și de câine. și mai e și proaspăt tată. scuze, cu asta v-am oripilat de tot.

luați niște yann tiersen de la mine, pentru purificare.

will work for great idea(l)s

my first tweet today was "start the day with sparks from the who and you will start a revolution. http://ow.ly/1gTKi ". 

i had this sugar rush (without the actual sugar) all morning. after the tweet came the realization that yes, some revolution will happen today. then it started to take shape, i could see in the imaginary globe of all predictions that it had to do with work, it had to do with how both me and my company weren't getting anymore what we needed/wanted from this collaboration, it had to do with how i was thinking of ending this for the past month. but i had doubts. some fears. mainly of rejection. ah, curse you, social acceptance! and then i saw this corny picture on my google reader:

so please, judge me all you want, i know i still laugh quietly at this, but it put the finger on it. i decided i'm gonna follow my straight-from-the gut sugar rush, my rationale over the past month and this incredibly corny picture and i'm going to do it. i am going to quit my job. well, my internship. 

and i did. maybe i can actually predict little personal revolutions. maybe i should update my cv, too. and add that.

in any case, if you need me, here i am. let's talk. ;)

the other wall (or rapids, leave them kids alone)

last weekend brought more novelty into my life. i kinda like novelty, but that doesn't really tell you anything about me, as i also really like old stuff, junk, vintage, memories and the bunch. not to mention eggplant.

anyways, rishikesh, this is what i want to tell you about. cause rishikesh is awesome. amazing. absolutely fantastic. and if you go out of rishikesh, say 30-something kms, and camp on a beach on the ganges, and relax, enjoy the sun, realize the water you're drinking comes from the river so you panic a little and move to beer, but just lie there in the sun, friends around you, games and laughs, then you get on a raft the next day to go back the 30-something kms to rishikesh on the river, you and 8 more people, ready for adventure, you're all excited but feel pretty confident in the same time, i mean, you ARE wearing a life vest and a helmet, nothing can happen to you, you're in a raft, going on rapids, with your friends, on the mighty ganges, you feel awesome.

you feel absolutely awesome, to be more exact, till you hit the wall (this crazy, foaming, really upset rapid), your raft flips over, people fall on you, you feel one of mother ganga's hands pulling you down into the water, time just stands still for the 5 seconds you're under there, then your life jacket spits you up again, you are scared, very scared, there are no words to describe how scared you are, but you're happy to be up, for a second there you never thought you'd see the light of day, and actually all those thoughts are not running through your head, the only thought that is there is that you still can't breathe, you're gasping like an animal for one single, relieving breath of air, but you can't make it, you hold on to your paddle, like that's gonna save you, you see the people in your boat floating away, asking you if you're ok and you're not but you can't tell them, you will be ok once you breathe again and maybe hit land, which you will soon and all this panicking will not seem reasonable, but for some reason, some crazy, mysterious reason, it will seem like you were born again.

 

and that's how i, in the attempt to conquer all my fears, have been forced to just face them. for now. ha ha, charade you are.

Ziua femeii, noaptea bărbatului

Sub deviza ‘dă-mi coasta înapoi și nopțile cu soare’, bărbatul îi reproșează femeii importanța exacerbată care i se acordă. Femeii. Și e cu atât mai deranjant cu cât numărul femeilor e considerabil mai mic decât cel al bărbaților, asta dacă numărăm după aproape deloc celebra zicală “o femeie urâtă e ca un bărbat” a lui Theophile Gautier. Effffffectiv, și printre altele, un bărbat.

Pe lânga asta, femeile au o gramadă de defecte: bârfesc – pe când bărbații stăpânesc arta maieuticii (arta de a purta maiouri, nu-i așa?), femeile sunt rele și răzbunătoare – pe când bărbații doar le vor binele, femeile se vaită, sunt fricoase și plângăcioase – pe când bărbații sunt duri, puternici și se uită la fotbal. Femeile. Bărbații.

Dar cui îi pasă, în definitiv? Ziua (mondială a) femeii a trecut, putem să ne întoarcem la a ne ignora reciproc și la a accepta că avem nevoie de asemenea zile pentru a ne simți importanți/te și speciali/e, pentru că e posibil să rămânem mediocri.

În plus, vine primăvara, să o salutăm nostalgic pe Persefona și să ne afundăm în nepăsare – în funcție de anotimp numită contemplare, visare, hibernare sau …astenie.

mama mea e cea mai bună

mama coace pâine, soare în ferestre,

soarele e unu,

mama una este.

se poate

să știți că se poate. se poate să iubiți și să urâți oamenii, simultan. nu simultan ca la gimnastică, mai mult ca la șah. eu îi și iubesc, și urăsc. pe cuvânt.

whatever works

"My story is, whatever works as long as you don't hurt anybody. Any way you can filtch a little joy in this life cruel and pointless life, that's my story."

And I loved his story. This story. But moving on to you, even if you're not a fan of Woody Allen's movies, even if you get bored and don't get half the jokes, even if you happen to be a baton twirler, what Boris Yelnikoff says in the end of the movie should make sense anyway and trigger the self-loving or hedonism button in you. Or if it's already on, then it should make you most content about the way you spent the last hour and a half. I know my smirk is there for a reason.

"I happen to hate New Year's celebrations. Everybody desperate to have fun. Trying to celebrate in some pathetic little way. Celebrate what? A step closer to the grave? That's why I can't say enough times, whatever love you can get and give, whatever happiness you can filch or provide, every temporary measure of grace, whatever works. And don't kid yourself. Because its by no means up to your own human ingenuity. A bigger part of your existence is luck, than you'd like to admit. Christ, you know the odds of your fathers one sperm from the billions, finding the single egg that made you. Don't think about it, you'll have a panic attack."

Gimme a "hallelujah!" for awesome movies. :)

sometimes, being miserable makes me happy

i'm just the regular fellow who needs a bit of misery. not to appreciate the good out there more, but really for the pleasure of it. i am not a masochist, just someone who enjoys a bit of misery. pure blues, deep and prolific blues. i can't even enjoy that, nowadays.

i miss rain. seems like it's difficult and abnormal to be blue when the sun is shining. i need rain to justify and feed my blues. i need seasons, they give meaning. one long summer + one short pseudo-winter barely classify as seasons. they are there to confuse.

i need seasons.

i need rain.

i need gray turning into green.

i need trees that blossom.

i even need the cold, the cold cold.

i love you, india, but this is not going to work out.

erm, it's not you, it's me.